Surgery day... warning, it's a long one

Today's the day.

Last night was terrible. I went to bed earlier then normal. I had to listen to two 30 minute sleep meditations to just fall asleep. Someone texted me at about midnight which woke me up. Then after that I kept waking up every hour, sometimes every half hour. It was a fitful sleep... if you can even call that sleep. I woke up, got everything in the car, my coffee made, then went to wake up Fionn. He forgot what day it was and wanting to watch Dinosaur train. But he was very good when I said its time to go see the doctor to get your feet fixed.

In hospital jammies, playing in the waiting room

We got to the hospital so early and saw a slough of nurses getting off at the bus stop... shift change. The parking lot was nearly deserted so we had our pick... but we also had our handy handicap parking pass so we got the prime spot. We arrived at the day surgery unit and were the second ones there. We saw a nurse about 10 minutes after we got there who asked a bunch of questions and took his vitals. She placed some numbing cream on both hands with a clear bandage on top for the IV. She gave him Tylanol as well and the hospital PJ's. We changed and went to play in the waiting room. About 30 minutes before the surgery time, they gathered a few kids who all had 9am surgeries and we walked down the hall to the recovery room. Fionn and another boy helped the nurse wheel an empty bed down the hall. They were so cute. A doctor stopped and laughed and said “that's a first!” Each child was sent to a seperated area to wait for the anaesthesiologist and our surgeons. The resident anaesthesiologist spoke to us first and explained to Fionn everything I had already talked to him about in terms of the mask and going to sleep. She explained a few things to me as well. Our surgeon talked to us too and I signed some consent forms and answered all the same questions that the nurse asked me earlier. I got dressed in a gown, hair net, booties and a mask and got ready for the infamous walk to the OR. Fionn kept asking to go for dodo. He seemed unnaturally keen to go to sleep at 9am. I had to stop at the door to fix my mask and Fionn kept walking in the OR like he owned the place. He was lifted on the OR bed and someone put a heated blanket on him. One nurse was putting those heart monitor stickers on his chest and a heart rate thingy on his finger and the anaesthesiologist was getting ready to put the bubble gum smelling mask on his face. He was excited about the bubble gum. Another nurse told me to hold down both hands because most kids first instinct and reaction is the thrash their arms and pull off the mask. It took him a while to fall asleep but never once fought me. I barely had to hold him. He was chatting with the nurse as he fell asleep and my body was twitching with sad laughter. My body likes to react in inappropriate ways, like laughing when I'm scared. I had to hold back my tears and give him a kiss. Then I was led out of the OR and back to the recovery room. The nurse asked me if he was my first. I guess he must see a lot of teary moms.

talking to the doctors before surgery

Once I was out of there I went to get us admitted and walked around some to help settle my nerves. I thought about eating but I didn't think I could hold down food at that moment. I went to the hospital gift shop and got him a few dinosaurs. They are the only shop I know of in our city that have dinosaur train figurines. So I got him two more to add to his collection of dinosaur toys. Then I went to the waiting room full of parents with kids in surgery. I saw a dad break down. That was heart wrenching. I started writing part of this post, updated my family and friends on facebook, read a chapter of my book. I didn't think I would be able to do anything but sit and wait but in fact all I wanted to do was keep busy and keep my brain active. At which point I went to the cafeteria to eat, walked around some more and back to the waiting room I went.

After 3 hours our surgeon came out to see me to tell me that the surgery went very well... such a relief! He said he was still sleeping and would probably keep sleeping for at least a half hour. In fact he slept probably 45 minutes in the recovery room before they came to get me. I walked in a saw my little guy all dopey eyed with his legs in really big casts propped up on a pillow. He was trying to hold an orange Popsicle but didn't quite have the strength in his sleepy drug haze. Oh boy its so hard to see your little one like that but I was just so relieved to see him awake and well... or well enough. He said his feet hurt a lot so the nurse gave him morphine which made him even more sleepy. So then began his fight to stay awake. It wasn't a fair fight. And in the end sleep took over. Every now and then he would open his eyes. Soon after we were transferred to our room. He slept some more while the nurse gave me the grand tour. Room, bathroom, kitchen, nurses station... everything I needed to know. He's pretty much been sleeping ever since. He woke up long enough to eat a blue jello, an apple sauce and drink a bit of orange juice and water.

In the recovery room

Falling asleep in the recovery room

His oxygen level kept dipping too low so the nurse propped the mask beside his face while he is sleeping. Morphine will have that effect; Sleepiness and low oxygen.

sleepy boy

I think the hardest part is doing this alone. I've never been sad or felt sorry for myself for being a single mom... I have lots of help from my family and friends. But today, sitting here alone in this waiting room, walking these halls by myself... I felt completely and utterly alone. I know that some of my closest people would be here if they could and things like work and school gets in the way, but I still feel alone. On the other hand I've had a lot of people wish us well and I know that I have a lot of people rooting and praying for us which is a nice comfort. Is it okay for a grown woman to say she wants her mommy?

oh dear those are very large casts

He will need a cast change in two weeks time. I'm just glad the hardest part is over and now we can begin to heal and hopefully this will be the end of it. I've been getting a lot of negative feedback from other parents on the clubfoot forum I belong to though. Mostly because of his age. I guess 3 and a half is a little young for this procedure. I will say that I trust our surgeon and his decision. I am aware that there is always the possibility of more relapse but there is also that possibility with just re-casting and not opting for the surgery. I spoke about it with our surgeon and we concluded that this was the best thing for Fionn. All kids are different and I wish we didn't have to do the surgery but this is where we are at and we shall go from here. I've done my research as well. I wouldn't just jump in to this without knowing what we were getting in to. Of course you never really know until you experience it. But let me stress again that every child is different and all cases of clubfeet are different. So doctors treat each individual case as they see fit. I think we made the right decision, I just hope we won't regret it.

So hopefully tonight won't be too bad. We are expecting a few visitors. It will be nice to see some familiar faces. And I'm sure if Fionn is awake that he will enjoy seeing them too.   

Sausage toes